For way too long, I responded to danger by freezing — “The worst thing you can do is the thing you’ll want to do most,” the park ranger explains. I’m standing with three friends under a tent at Apgar ranger station in Glacier National Park, allowing mosquitos to dance around my legs. To backpack legally through the most grizzly-bear-populated park in…

The 2nd amendment appears to be here to stay. Here are a few suggestions for how we can meet in the middle. — While I personally have zero purpose or desire for a gun, I have literally heard some Americans say they would give up their lives for the constitutional right to own them. In conversations with pro-gun folks, I keep hearing the argument that gun legislation will only make it harder for…

In honor of my 40th birthday, here are 40 of my favorite things in no particular order — making lists (especially the bucket kind) dancing to Lizzo in the kitchen with my daughters wool socks this Hannah Gadsby quote: “there is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself” lighting candles 6. when everyone gets the joke 7. my houseplant collection (especially the prayer plants and…

An Ash Wednesday poem — I am but dust my daughter tells me replacing my full epidermis in days you’ve never touched me if you haven’t hugged me this month I am but dust with a daughter born cooing covered in scales that filled my fingernails when I searched for her scalp I am but…

a poem — Happy Valentine’s Day to: The marrieds and de-marrieds The not-ready-yet-and-never-will-bes The singles, celibates and stigmatized The traumatized The drama-frees and the drama-fulls The sugar moms in the shopping malls The desperates, the single dads The actors for the dating app ads The newly hatched, newly widowed, newly giving up All of us are worthy of love…

Some things you may not know, some things you wouldn’t think to ask, and some things that surprise us both. — I heard the way you quickly changed the subject when Valentine’s Day came up. I saw how you wiggled out of your partner’s embrace the moment I walked in the door. I noticed that you don’t bring up your marriage issues around me anymore. Divorce creates a surprising number of…

Through some work, some play, and some intentional exercises, you can find relief from what upsets you most. Here’s how. — PTSD is a lot more common than we think. We used to think post-traumatic stress was limited to soldiers, natural disaster survivors, and people who survived sexual assault. But more studies than ever show the long-term effects of trauma that happened to us when we were kids, which could include:

There are many “normal” ways to respond to stress. All of them have examples in the Animal Kingdom. — In child psychiatrist Bruce Perry’s landmark book on trauma and healing, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, he describes the case of Amber, an unconscious teenage girl whose doctors did everything they could think to do to revive her. She had no heart problems, no abnormal toxicology screens…

Including DEAL BREAKERS and BONUS POINTS — In this story, I shared how a fun little list I created following a long-term abusive relationship helped me feel safe and trust my own intuition. It’s been revised and added to the more I dated, talked to friends, learned from therapy, read, wrote and grew, so below is its…