Oh John. First of all, I am so very sorry for your immense loss. There is no pain that compares to losing a child.

This challenge that you describe— to acknowledge that what moved you into aliveness was your daughter’s death — is so painfully poignant. My heart breaks with you; I can relate.

On the good days, when my heart isn’t absolutely breaking, I remember that my beloved would have been delighted to know that there are moments when I am thriving. He loved seeing me happy. He loved making me happy. By living my truth and living to the fullest, I am honoring him and what he loved most. My aliveness is perhaps the best way I can pay him respect.

I think he would have gratefully received my gift.